


Nothing's Wong Jen

by Did_you_see_the_light_in_my_heart



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Maybe - Freeform, aftermath of season 7 finale, slight PTSD, where the consequences of a traumatic even are actually a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 04:37:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20960585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Did_you_see_the_light_in_my_heart/pseuds/Did_you_see_the_light_in_my_heart
Summary: Will is not in bed when she wakes up and there's a sound she can't quite make out in the air."Will, what's wrong?" she asks"Nothing's wrong Jen," he tells her.Jenifer's heart fluters. Something's very -very- wrong.





	Nothing's Wong Jen

Jenifer opened her eyes; she could barely see the ceiling because of how dark it was. She wondered for a moment what could've woken her up this late at night, so she listened. Henry seemed to be quiet as a mouse, but she still had that feeling of waking up and being fully alert- like something was going on.

She looked to her right; Will was absent from their bed. She looked to her left; the door was closed, which told JJ that her husband had left, because every night before going to sleep they always made sure the door was left ajar to give their son easy access in case he got scared.

The blond rubbed at her face for a second and heard the silence of the night. There was a faint noise she couldn't quite make out; probably what had woken her up. It was so faint and it wasn't always there, she thought maybe she was just listening too much into the silence.

JJ sat up in bed and thought about getting up. She wasn't worried, but perhaps restless by how alert she was. The blonde got out of the warmth of her sheets and headed quietly to the door.

Out in the hallway, the house was silent. She couldn't hear Will downstairs in the kitchen, or watching TV as he usually did when he couldn't sleep. He could be reading, but there was no light coming from the stairs either.

That's when she heard it again. That quiet noise she couldn't quite make out. Maybe Henry was having a nightmare.

As Jenifer walked down the hallway, she stopped in front of the bathroom door and her heart gave a painful beat in her chest. It was closed, but there it was, that quiet noise was coming form the bathroom.

"Will?" She whispered, her voice wavered without her permission, her body tense with worry.

There was a sudden, definite quiet, with no more indistinguishable sounds. It lasted for a few moments until her husband finally answered her.

"Yeah?" His voice was steady, but there was a perceptible waver underneath his heavy accent.

"What's wrong?" She inquired gently as she pressed softly against the door. She tried for the handle but it was locked.

"Nothing's w_ro_ng Jen, go back to bed." His breath hitched with the strain of what JJ could tell -by her hard earned experience in the field- was the monumental effort of trying to keep one's emotions under control.

"Will, baby, whatever it is I can help, please." The woman tried for the door again even though she knew it was locked "Just… just let me in and I can help you- figure it out or whatever it is I can do to help."

"Jen, really, nothing is wro- wr- _wron-_" He couldn't speak; it sounded like he was about to vomit with the way he couldn't quite finish his sentence.

A choked, subtle sob came through the wood.

"Will, let me in _please_." She begged him as she rattled the handle.

"_**No**_." The man down right denied this time. Another sob broke free as he choked again with the effort of keeping it contained.

Jenifer slid down and sat against the white wooden door.

This was so surreal. This had never happened between them in the 5 years they had being together. Will had never denied her contact with him. He had never told her no without first explaining why. And outside the death of his father and their child's birth, he had never once cried more than a few tears, let alone _sobbed_.

Jenifer didn't know what to do.

"_Will_, what is it?" She asked again, softly, her own hurt for her lover in her voice.

"It's nothing. It's nothing. _It's nothing_." He sniffed loudly from the other side of the door. "Nothing's wrong, Jen."

She could now hear actual tears in his voice. JJ began to panic. Something was most definitely _wrong,_ and she didn't know what it was. This seemed to come out of nowhere.

But maybe not nowhere.

"_Go back to sleep babe, I'm just going to the bathroom."_ In an out for a few weeks now. But she'd never woken up after he'd initially got out of bed.

"Have… have you been locking yourself in the bathroom these last weeks Will? Has this been happening for a while?" She asked gently, though desperate to know what was wrong with the man she loved.

Her questions just brought on more sounds of tears from the other side and a louder choke of the man with a renewed effort to just _stop_.

There was one other approach she could take. Jenifer didn't like it, but she couldn't help herself. Maybe she couldn't get Will to talk to her or open the door, but she _did_ have other skills that could help her here. She squeezed her eyes shut, already regretting the turn her actions were going to take.

"You know… you can cry if want to, Will. I may not know what's going on but it's alright if you need to cry-"

"_It's not_." He hissed softly, but at least he was talking to her again.

"I know your father probably didn't like it when you cried." She whispered.

Her husband's breath hitched, muffled by the wood between them.

"I know he wasn't a bad man and you loved him very much, but he still taught you that you shouldn't cry because boys are strong and crying is for girls and maybe boys who aren't right. Because crying is weak and you need to be strong-"

"_Stop profiling me._" His breath shuddered with a struggle that was already lost.

"I'm sorry Will, I know we agreed that I'd try to keep it to myself. But this… I know you know it's okay, because-" JJ chuckled softly "I know you would _never_ tell anyone that it isn't alright to cry. Not Henry, not any man that you know or don't know. You're not that kind of person. I'm telling you this because you already know so; it's alright to cry. It's alright to be hurt, to be in pain. And-" She took a breath and pressed her head to the wood "and you don't have to be strong all the time."

She heard a quiet whimper from the other side as a wave of new tears hit her husband. The sounds muffled at once, she figured he might be hiding his face on his arm or a towel from the rack.

She leaned against the door in silence, listening to Will crying his heart out in distress, unable to comfort him or do anything about it. She gave him time though, and let him get it all out –or as much as he would allow himself to.

The crying stopped some and she listened to the rustling of cloth getting closer to the door. JJ perked up; maybe he was going to open the lock now. A weight pressed against the other side and her face fell a little; he still didn't want her to come in. She nuzzled in her place, finding a comfortable spot.

"Gosh, that feels awful." He chuckled with a sniff, calmer now.

She was quiet.

"Jen… you there?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I'm still here."

Will sighed softly.

"Will you let me in now?" She inquired.

"No. No, sorry. I can't, I… I'm sorry." The little sign of amusement left his voice. "This must be a real shit-show for you." He said self deprecatingly.

"What happened?" The blond asked again, gently and coaxing.

There was silence between them until a doubtful moment later he said.

"I was scared. I woke up and I was scared. Terrified. I still am." Will sniffed.

"Why are you scared?" She held the handle, hoping maybe he'd turn the lock.

"I- damn it, so many things Jen. The-" He chocked on his words. "I dreamt there were chains around me and… I couldn't move and breath and- then I burned."

Oh. _Oh_.

He started crying again, quietly.

"Oh, Will." Jenifer lamented "You should've told me. You said you were fine."

"I know." He lamented himself.

"I asked you so many times." JJ insisted.

"I couldn't tell you." He stiffened a sob "I still- it's just so hard to tell you."

"Will." She whispered his name because she didn't know what else to say.

"I know I can tell you anything Jen, I know that. I know you'd never turn me down or- or laugh or some shit like that. I _just_\- I _can't_ talk of this and…" The man made a pained noise that sent a pang to her heart.

"Will." She said steadily, almost commanding "Let me in."

"I can't m'sorry." He mumbled.

"Yes _you can_. Just turn the lock, okay?"

There was silence again, and it stretched and stretched until she thought he wouldn't talk to her anymore.

"I… Jen, you can't touch me." He said.

"I wont." JJ promised readily.

"I mean it babe." He said angrily.

"I wont, I swear." The woman answered with conviction. Will was going to open the door. Her heart was swelling.

"_Okay_." It was so quite she almost didn't catch it.

After a few more silent seconds JJ finally heard movement from the other side. And when the metal clacked into place the sound seemed so loud that one might've heard it from anyplace in the house.

Jenifer tried the handle once more and relished in the fact that she could turn it. When she swung the door and caught sight of her husband, he had scooted so far back that he was leaning against the tub.

Now that they were in the hallway bathroom, it should've been a red flag the moment Will had begun using this one instead of their own, much larger one, when he got up at night.

She closed the door carefully and sat against the wood, happy to be on the other side now.

"Hey" she said after a moment with a large smile but sad eyes, looking at her bedraggled husband as he all but huddled against his chosen corner.

"Hey." He repeated his voice far rougher than usual.

He looked tired and beaten, but then again, he always looked tired and beaten, even when he wasn't. JJ was so used to seeing him weary, the bags under his eyes deep and dark. It made Will look unkempt, but in a handsome way. It was one of the things she found most attractive about him. She almost chuckled at the thought, but sobered quickly. The fact that he always looked like that might've been one of the reasons she hadn't noticed…

He looked exhausted; his eyes were red from crying and his bearded cheeks were stained by tear tracks. She wanted to hug his hurts away so badly, but squeezed her arms to keep herself from doing anything stupid.

Will diverted his eyes from her to his knees and let his forehead rest against them for a moment.

"This is stupid." He said a moment later.

"Its not, you know it's not." She shook her head.

"Yeah." He sighed and lifted his face, rubbing at his lids with his hands. Brown eyes looked at her. "I still feel stupid." He said sadly and looked down when his eyes started to burn again.

"Really, really stupid." He whispered.

Her heart ached. She brushed a wayward tear of her own away before he could catch sight of it.

"How long have you been having nightmares?" JJ asked him kindly, not bothering to contradict him if he wasn't going to believe her.

"Maybe a week or two after the heist," he confessed. "After the hype of everything came down." He smiled ruefully at her. "I was on dreamland after our wedding to be honest, wasn't much more in my mind than that."

She smiled at that.

"Yeah," she laughed "I can definitely say the same."

It was quiet for a moment again. Jenifer listened into the night in case their little angel of a child had been woken by the two distressed adults.

"How are you feeling now?" She asked.

"Better, I think." He placed his hand over his chest like it hurt him. "'M' still a bit… not quite there."

She rested her hand on the floor, an offering if he wanted to take it.

He looked at it longingly, but didn't reach for her.

"I'll listen," she promised. "Anything you have to say Will, I'll _listen_."

"I don't know if I want to say anything." A tear slid down his already stained face.

Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward and rested his hand on hers. He shudder the air out.

"That whole day I just… I kept expecting to _die_. Every thing that happened next I was so sure was going to be the thing that ended me. The bank, the bullet to the gut, the explosion, those two fuckers parading me around the SUB, then-" His breath hitched. "Then they made me bring them _here_, to _Henry_." He sobbed hard, stopping the sound with his other hand.

Jenifer squeezed his palm as hard as she could and tried to convey as much understand as she could in her face.

"And then it wasn't just me I was afraid for, that woman was with Henry and- and she talked to him like she was just a friend. And I couldn't stop thinking no matter the outcome, you'd hate me so much and you'd never forgive me."

"Will-" She tried to protest but he didn't let her, the dam was open now.

"You don't need me Jen, you're _so strong_ and you could figure it out without me so easily. And now that I led a sadistic murderer into our house and handed her our Henry." He choked on his words. "You'd realize I wasn't worth it and you'd tell me to go- and I would _deserve_ that, because I risked not only my life but our son's life-"

"_Will,_ _no_." He tried to take his hand from hers but she didn't let him, bringing her other hand to hold on tight.

"But then it was the train station and the bomb strapped to my chest and I kept imagining that the- the bomb was hot on my chest but it _wasn't_. And- and Emily's death was going to be in my hands too because she _wouldn't go_. I told her to go, but she wouldn't listen. _She would've died with me_." He cried in distress, not even bothering to hide it now- there was no way he'd be able to hide the mess that was his face and eyes and the snot in his nose.

"And I couldn't… _I couldn't move_, there were chains around me and _I couldn't move Jen_." He curled down, but she saw, she saw the microsecond his body leaned towards her in the need of comfort.

Jenifer slid toward him until her arms surrounded him protectively and his head rested in the crook of her neck. Her skin was instantly wet and it only brought more tears to her own eyes.

"I wake up every night and I'm scared. But then I feel guilty, I don't have to be asleep to feel guilty, I'm always feeling-"

"This is not your fault William." She almost shouted but quieted instantly, Will would never forgive himself if Henry saw him like this. "None of this is your fault. You are not guilty of _anything_."

"I am. _I am_." He said pained.

"_You're not_." She stressed, pressing him harder against her. "You're a victim." She whispered.

"_No_." He denied.

"You're a victim and that means it will never be your fault," she shushed him. "I know you don't like it, but it's true. Your pain is real, your tears and emotions. They are all real and you're not to blame for any of it."

He was trembling in her arms. Her husband. So strong and steady and breezy; because he could handle life like it was nothing with a smile on his ruggedly handsome face. Her devoted lover was a mess of tears and snot, a ball of tread that kept unraveling on and on. In their five years together, Will had never come undone in any way that couldn't be fixed by support and a sweet kiss.

"All the things that happened that day were planed, you were just in the wrong place, at the wrong time. A convenient pawn to their _game_." JJ said, anger barely contained.

Will had slid to her lap where his wife stroked his black hair comfortingly.

"Henry." He stressed, unable to let it go. "And you."

"They didn't give you a choice, they knew where we lived. If you didn't comply, they would've hurt Henry anyway. And I can defend myself babe." She smiled slightly, her cheek strained.

"You must've been angry when you realized where I'd taken them." He lamented.

"I-" She stopped, she couldn't lie to him. "I was… but it was only for a moment. It was my very first reaction, but it didn't last even me five minutes. I knew it wasn't your fault."

"I'm so sorry Jen." He whispered, his eyes closed tightly.

"I forgave you before the ordeal was even over." The blond laughed wetly. "I love you so much Will." She said reverently.

"Even now?" He asked.

"Why wouldn't I? Because you're a mess with a snotty nose?" She smiled knowingly.

"Yeah?" He said, after a small hesitant second.

"You could smell like a sewer and be dressed in a trash bag and I'd still love you." JJ kissed his forehead.

"That's…" Will had stopped crying though there was still an occasional sniff. "Wow, you must love me a lot." He mumbled.

Jenifer laughed openly and leaned down to kiss his lips. Will looked up at her.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "For being weak."

Brown eyes met blue.

"You're not weak." She hugged him "You are the strongest man I know."

"Even Hotch?" He asked with a watery smirk.

"_Well_, maybe not the strongest. But you can't compare yourself to unattainable standards." JJ brushed his hair away from his forehead, smiling at their inside joke on Hotch being perfect.

Will sighed.

"Tired?" She asked.

"Like I just ran a marathon," he mumbled.

"Come on, let's go back to bed. We can talk about this tomorrow."

He looks down unsure.

"We can talk about this every night if you want. Maybe sometimes when you don't want to, but you need too. I'm here, Will, and I'm not going to let you suffer in silence anymore." She titled her head. "Any time you feel like it, or you're scared again or guilty. I'm going to be there. If you need to cry, we'll cry together and watch stupid shows and eat those weird ass fried Oreos that you like so much."

He chuckled.

"And Henry will be there too when you feel like hugging him. We have all the time in the world and you don't have to do this alone, okay?" She held his hands in one of her own.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"Okay." He smiled and pressed to his chest their clasped hands.

**Author's Note:**

> Abril: I love Will and that day was a f**ing trauma ride wrapped in a burrito from hell and if he didn't end up with some issues after it I'm NOT buying that sh*t.
> 
> He and JJ's relationship up to that point give me life (,:
> 
> Writing-wise I don't exactly love this peace but… it's acceptable enough I think. Please, tell me what you think! I'm always up for some nice disunions :D


End file.
